we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
