I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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