I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
