the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
