It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
