she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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