his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
