He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
