Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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