Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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