I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
