Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
