turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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