I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
