I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
ttyl tear gas
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
