If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
