I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
