Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
