Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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