life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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