Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
