to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
