I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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