Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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