Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
