even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
