Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
