I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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