I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
