I haven't been this sober since birth.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
