Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
