So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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