Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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