Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
