Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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