I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
