whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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