I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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