Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
