no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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