also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
