The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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