There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
