Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
