so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
