About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
