I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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