he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
