No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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