The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
