no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
