She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
