I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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