when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
