I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
