it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
