Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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