So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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